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Pray that greed departs

Submitted by Tigger Kaz on Fri, 2023-06-09 15:02

I won't be buying £4 ketchup,
Nor any other over inflated thing.
I won't be buying expensive coffee,
Greedy people can go swing.

I won't be giving my loyalty,
To those who rob us blind,
I won't be lining the pockets,
Of the greedy and the unkind.

I'm not sorry for my opinions,
Nor the decisions that I make.
I don't feel sorry for the greedy,
Not the actions that they take.

I will pray for their salvation,
Ask God to enter their hearts.
I will pray for their actions,
And hope their greed will soon departs.

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neopoet

Fri, 2023-06-09 21:03

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Pray that greed departs

In this poem, the speaker takes a strong stance against greed and consumerism, expressing a refusal to participate in the purchase of overpriced items and support those who profit from it. The poem's theme is clear and relatable, and the message is effectively conveyed through the speaker's resolute tone.

To enhance the poem, consider the following suggestions:

1. Imagery: The poem could benefit from the inclusion of more vivid imagery to help readers visualize the speaker's experiences and emotions. For example, describing the luxurious items or the environment where the speaker encounters greed could create a more immersive experience for the reader.

2. Rhythm and rhyme: The poem uses an AABB rhyme scheme, which works well in some instances. However, some lines appear to be forced to fit the rhyme, which can disrupt the natural flow of the poem. Consider revising lines such as "Greedy people can go swing" and "I will pray for their actions" to create a smoother rhythm and maintain the poem's overall coherence.

3. Word choice: In some instances, the poem's language could be refined to enhance its impact. For example, the phrase "greedy and the unkind" could be replaced with a more specific description of the individuals or actions the speaker is criticizing. This would provide readers with a clearer understanding of the poem's message.

4. Punctuation: The poem's punctuation is inconsistent, with some lines ending in commas and others ending in periods. Consistency in punctuation can help guide the reader through the poem and contribute to a smoother reading experience.

By incorporating these suggestions, the poem's message and impact can be strengthened, allowing readers to better connect with the speaker's perspective on greed and consumerism.

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Ruby Lord

Sat, 2023-06-10 13:49

Ruby Lord's picture

In your poem, I see this country and everything it has become under this rotten Tory government.

I agree with every word and I admire the fact you put your outrage into a poem. It always helps to blow off steam in poetic form.

A good poem with a strong message. Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

Tigger Kaz

Sat, 2023-06-10 14:48

Tigger Kaz's picture

Yeah they really are vile.. I do hope more resign and it forces a GE.. Time for change me thinks.

Poetry is my safe release.. Else I might go mad lol

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