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Chronic Awareness

Submitted by Tigger Kaz on Tue, 2024-10-15 07:44

When I wake up in the morning,
And I wrestle into my clothes.
The temptation to have a pj day,
Is harder than you know.

The world may think me lazy,
Because I sometimes slob around.
But often the sheer fatigue's,
Like a bus knocked me, to the ground.

And no matter what I tell myself,
My energy"s so depleted.
And all the plans I had today,
Forgotten and defeated.

Yet somewhere out of nowhere,
I find hope, to get through the day.
With steely determination,
I find new invented ways .

A trick or two to manage,
A way to ease the stress.
And more importantly,
A way t

To feel less of a mess.

Now I know you may not see it,
And may struggle to understand.
But my chronic illness journey,
Is not what i.had planned.

And I say this not for pity,
But to create awareness of my plight.
So you can understand,
My daily chronic fight.

For chronic illness is my burden,
A weight I can't put down.
And the understanding care of others,
Holds me up, so I don't drown.

Although my burden cannot be lifted,
Gentle hugs can ease my fear.
And the reassuring love around me,
Helps to dry my pain soaked tears.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 10/13/24 to 10/19/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2024-10-15 13:50

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Chronic Awareness" effectively conveys the daily struggles and challenges faced by someone dealing with chronic illness. The use of vivid imagery, such as feeling like "a bus knocked me to the ground" and the mention of "pain soaked tears," helps to create a strong emotional impact on the reader. The repetition of phrases like "chronic fight" and "my burden" reinforces the central theme of enduring hardship.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider refining the structure and flow of the poem. Some lines feel a bit choppy and could benefit from smoother transitions between thoughts. Additionally, exploring different poetic devices such as metaphor or symbolism could enhance the depth and complexity of the poem.

Overall, the poem effectively raises awareness about the challenges of living with chronic illness and conveys a sense of resilience and hope in the face of adversity.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Rula

Tue, 2024-10-15 14:17

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I could absolutely feel the pain. Well expressed all through. I thought some proofreading is needed to smooth the flow.
I especially like the imagery used.
Always ready to hear and share such thoughts.

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