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Bees
Soft breeze
carrying fat bees.
Their bums dusted in pollen,
leaving yellow blobs on cotton
as the laundry waves at passers by.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
I'm still undecided on the title.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-06-14 23:30
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The imagery in your poem "Bees" is vivid and evocative, painting a charming picture of bees going about their work. The use of sensory details like the fat bees dusted in pollen and leaving yellow blobs on cotton creates a strong visual for the reader. However, consider exploring more depth in your poem by delving into the significance or symbolism of the bees and their actions. Additionally, you may want to experiment with varying the rhythm or structure of your lines to add more dynamism to your piece.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Obadiah Grey
Sat, 2024-06-15 11:38
Quirky,,, Original,,, "Simple
Quirky,,, Original,,, "Simple"
but its not Simple is it,
it makes me smile!
Obi.
Katy Louise
Tue, 2024-06-18 13:15
I'm glad it made you smile!
I'm glad it made you smile!
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2024-06-15 13:11
Simple...
but effective! I saw the sunshine, the laundry blowing in the breeze, with yellow bumble bee butt imprints, on the white cotton sheets. Nice stuff, Geez.
.
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Katy Louise
Tue, 2024-06-18 13:16
Thank you so much for the
Thank you so much for the feedback!
author commentLavender
Sun, 2024-06-16 12:45
Bees
Hello, Katy Louise,
A beautiful observational poem. It feels freeing, and gives me pause. I enjoyed this. I also like your title - simple and says it all.
Thank you!
L
Katy Louise
Tue, 2024-06-18 13:17
Thank you!
Thank you!
author comment