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Bob's Homecoming
Bob fought ocular cancer
for the second time in his life.
Treatments were harrowing,
but he went diligently until
the glorious day he could
ring the bell at the end.
The applause of the staff was
a nice touch, but the best
was his triumphant
homecoming.
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Ohio, USA
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Edgar Allen Poe, Maya Angelou, Emily Dickenson
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2024-09-22 00:32
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Bob's Homecoming" is a narrative piece that tells a story of struggle and triumph. The use of specific details, such as "ocular cancer" and "ring the bell at the end", adds a layer of authenticity to the narrative. However, the poem could benefit from more vivid imagery and emotional depth.
For instance, the line "Treatments were harrowing" could be expanded to show, not tell, the reader about the protagonist's experience. Instead of stating that the treatments were harrowing, the poem could describe the physical and emotional toll of the treatments on Bob.
Moreover, the poem could delve deeper into Bob's emotions during his triumphant homecoming. Instead of merely stating it was the best, the poem could describe Bob's feelings of relief, joy, or whatever emotions he might have felt. This would allow the reader to connect more deeply with Bob's experience.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter to enhance its musicality. As it stands, the lines vary greatly in length and rhythm, which can disrupt the flow of the poem.
In conclusion, while the poem effectively tells a story of struggle and triumph, it could be improved by incorporating more vivid imagery, emotional depth, and a consistent rhythm or meter.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Leslie
Sun, 2024-09-22 10:54
Punkyfrewster
I loved your poem and really enjoyed the end. It's great to see someone beat any kind of cancer.
Our dreams lost! Lost on an ocean of turmoil! Soon a solution will arrive! Until then I will write!
Punkyfrewster
Mon, 2024-09-23 22:30
Leslie
Thank you so much for your kind comments. This is based on the trials of the father of my son-in-law.
author commentLeslie
Sun, 2024-09-22 10:55
Punkyfrewster
I loved your poem and really enjoyed the end. It's great to see someone beat any kind of cancer.
Our dreams lost! Lost on an ocean of turmoil! Soon a solution will arrive! Until then I will write!
Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-09-24 07:29
Dear Punkyfrewster,
I see that your poem is based on a real person. Bob must have been very brave in facing the odds. I am glad that he came through it well! Good luck on the contest!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Punkyfrewster
Tue, 2024-09-24 16:40
Cat
He has been courageous. Good luck in your contests, too.
author commentLavender
Sun, 2024-09-29 20:59
Bob's Homecoming
Hello, Punky,
To ring that bell is a glorious feeling. Thank you for this inspiring poem. I love the word "homecoming" used as the final thought of the poem. Victorious.
Warmest wishes to you, and especially along to Bob.
Thank you!
L