Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Climbing with Silence
Since I could crawl,
People painted
Tomorrow with
Dark colors.
As I started
My modest path,
I kept running into
Many dead ends,
So I left the car
And kept going.
No easy stroll,
A rough climb
On windy hills
That make
Hurricanes
Nauseous.
A compass,
Some water,
And a will
to walk on
Unpaved roads,
With stars
As my only
Companions.
I won’t
Abandon
My route,
Even if the locals
Welcome me.
I’m not
Looking
For a place—
Just having
A hike
With silence.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2024-08-24 00:51
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses imagery and metaphors to convey a sense of journey and determination. The use of phrases such as "running into many dead ends," "rough climb on windy hills," and "unpaved roads" provide a vivid picture of the challenges faced on this journey.
However, the poem could benefit from more consistency in its metaphoric language. For example, the phrase "hurricanes nauseous" is a bit unclear. While it seems to be an attempt to convey the intensity of the "windy hills," it might be more effective to use a metaphor that is more directly related to the climbing or journeying theme.
The poem also seems to shift focus towards the end. The earlier stanzas focus on the journey, while the later stanzas introduce the idea of locals and a place. This shift isn't necessarily problematic, but it could be made smoother or more clearly connected to the overall theme of the poem.
Finally, the poem might benefit from a clearer exploration of the relationship between the speaker and silence. The title and final line suggest that this relationship is significant, but the poem doesn't delve into it very much. Developing this aspect could add depth to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Triskelion
Sat, 2024-08-24 11:08
I'm not a fan..
..of free verse usually, but I find your pieces of late intriguing. Your language use is quite lovely.
Thomas
.
.
...so like my lost dreams...the flood
Apostolos "Paul...
Mon, 2024-08-26 23:57
thank you
for stopping by
Geezer
Sat, 2024-08-24 11:20
I would...
use modest rather than humble, humble makes it sound like you are getting ready to brag.
That makes hurricanes feel like a breeze.
a will to walk on unpaved roads, rather than dirt.
my only companion[s]
I won't abandon my route.
Nice stuff. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Apostolos "Paul...
Mon, 2024-08-26 23:55
thank you gee
took your suggestions
Rula
Sat, 2024-08-24 16:02
That
what successful people do to achieve their goals. They keep going despite any difficulties.
That what your words tell me.
Please let me know if I am off the track.
Good work!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Apostolos "Paul...
Mon, 2024-08-26 23:54
Thank you Rula
you are correct
Lavender
Sat, 2024-08-24 21:48
Climbing With Silence
Hello, Paul,
I love that it is "with" silence and not "in" silence. Yep, I really love that...
L
Apostolos "Paul...
Mon, 2024-08-26 23:54
Thank you Lavender
for your words