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Stronger
I'm stronger
Than the miligrams
Running in my blood stream
I have fought demons
Created by this mind
Quite ironic, wouldn't you say
This pen is not just a tool
It's a brother in arms
Holding you as hearts race
if I could silence that voice
That takes me prisoner
I would willingly ask
What crime am I guilty of
These four walls would sob
even the northern star
Would look away
Yesterday I was called a hero
And anxiety seemed unphased
Well, I won't stand defeated
Not for the sake of pride
Just so I can show
The millions who
Slow dance with fear
There is beauty in your pain
Passion in every tear
A roar in each deep breath
Soldiers against armies
That need no swords
Still we survive
To show our captor
He has no victory
Only a moment of weakness
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Eumolpus
Tue, 2017-10-17 19:32
Your poem
Among some very startling stanzas are a few ideas which are not covered. Why is fighting demons ironic? How were you the hero? But the main idea comes through in a subtle way with memorable lines like " passion in every tear" and many others.
My own take is whereas I agree to cap the first letter, I'm in that camp, but I also prefer full or no punctuation, not some. You have here just a few commas. The feeling I get is reminiscent of Milosz, the Polish Nobel winner some years ago. Was he an influence in your work?
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Eumolpus
Tue, 2017-10-17 20:43
Your poem
.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Eumolpus
Tue, 2017-10-17 20:45
Your poem
.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Eumolpus
Tue, 2017-10-17 20:41
Sorry
Used my phone. Weird that it went 3x
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings