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why whine

Submitted by loved on Mon, 2012-07-02 07:20

it has been ingrained in me,
not to whine nor hanker
not to think
nor tinker
let them read
if they want to
and
go along the stream
if you have to

it’s been a long way
since I came from home
I’m a poet today
not totally unknown...
no nonsense,
no nuance poet
yet you will see
my poetry is being read
by someone to take me off
those still unread

no comments here!
why?

to that extent one should be happy
and
have a poetry, or two to post ready ...

I think there's one still unread
hope someone shall scan it
ere I’m dead

though it may merit more then..............

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

BlueDemon77

Mon, 2012-07-02 08:18

BlueDemon77's picture

Now I see what you were doing in the earlier response to the comment thread. As for the poem, there is a lot of pent up emotion there. It reminds me of an unbreakable lack of hope acting as a boulder you carry, however successfully. I'd like to hear you reach into your viscera and offer a wet and gritty write that leaves us dripping in the gore of your glossed over emotion.
I enjoyed the poem, I understand what you mean, I'd just like to see you cut loose, to release the shape of rage and let it cut a profane Rorschach image on the page. I'd really love to see what's traveling underneath that calm, unrippled surface that is you in this poem.

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

loved

Mon, 2012-07-02 08:38

loved's picture

I shall have to seek the blessings,
of the child called
GOOGLE,
to smack my face,
for not at first hand knowing
what diligence you convey

your words marvel me

to a mind totally dark and gray
may be grey
but someone will surely say
this pent up guy
surely has, his own way
and I pray
some day
you alongside me will stay
to see the calmness surface some day,
perhaps sooner than today

loved

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2012-07-02 15:26

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

comment, but I always read your work. I agree, I would also like to see you cut loose and burn up the paper. Figuretively speaking of course! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

loved

Tue, 2012-07-03 00:32

loved's picture

my heart
with such resounding silently,
softly spoken words
for which I do
and ought to admire you ,
for the encouragement
on a platter you serve.
Geeezzz
you are a source of inspiration for me
and perhaps many..

loved

author comment
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