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PEACE

Submitted by Sheddie on Sat, 2023-06-24 07:24

Listen to the realm of silence,
Slowly creeping into time, evenly torrent
Captivating rhythms, flowing fortissimo
Specks of air dropping down, glorious peace

Hear them sing, listen calmly, paying rapt attention
Little rain drops pitter-pattering on the dusty roof
Mingling with the sweet scent of the outside clay,
Leads me slowly into the space of peace,
To learn nothing, yet everything.

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem of the week June 18th to June 24th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-06-24 13:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Thank you for sharing your poem titled "PEACE". Your use of sensory language is effective in creating a peaceful atmosphere. The imagery of raindrops pitter-pattering on the roof and the sweet scent of clay outside is particularly evocative.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the sentence structure and length to add more depth and complexity to the poem. Additionally, the line "To learn nothing, yet everything" is intriguing, but it may benefit from further elaboration or clarification to fully convey its meaning to the reader.

Overall, your poem effectively captures the essence of peace and tranquility. Keep up the good work!

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Sheddie

Tue, 2023-06-27 12:47

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I'd appreciate the review

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Geezer

Mon, 2023-06-26 20:59

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Your title is okay, but I think you could do better.
Specks of air?
Specks of water maybe.
I love the theme.
~ Geezer.

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Sheddie

Tue, 2023-06-27 12:46

Sheddie's picture

Thanks ❤️

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Geezer

Wed, 2023-06-28 10:28

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If your post does not show up right away, wait for a minute or two before you try it again. Sometimes your internet connection is a bit slow. Give it a chance. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Sheddie

Tue, 2023-06-27 12:47

Sheddie's picture

Thanks ❤️

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