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Cold(Olympic Pool)
The touch that I once longed for
Now repulses
Lips once warm and sweet
Have turned calloused and cold
Little innuendos
now chafe and bite
Give them to another
For I no longer can
bear the thought of you
Style / type:
Free verse
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-09-06 12:34
Wow, Chrys,
absolutely COLD! You could freeze water on it and make ice cubes! I love it and wouldn't change a word.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
raj
Tue, 2011-09-06 15:33
Chrys
nicely done...precise and yet effective..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Kailashana2
Tue, 2011-09-06 16:03
Hi Chrys, hope you're mending
Hi Chrys, hope you're mending well, and Lonnie's waiting on you hand and foot.
I don't know if I'm off target here, but if this were my poem, I'd change the last stanza,
to read:
Give them to another;
I no longer
bear the thought of you.
For me it's more precise. Good poem conveying the icy stare.
~A
lou
Tue, 2011-09-06 21:31
Brrrrrr
Very chilly remind me not to get on your bad side LOL!!!!
Filled with ice cold hate, I personally wouldn't change a thing about it.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!