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cityscape
the city sits, breathless, smog-heavy across endless asphalt and tires,
its rows and rows of glass windows
mirror the fading light.
the rain weeps desperately,
covers glossy streets in liquid whispers,
each droplet a secret melody
that splashes onto cobblestones.
pure diamonds melt into soot.
trampled papers fly and float
on gusts of indifferent wind
between buildings that scrape the sky,
a chorus of steel and concrete,
a mechanical symphony.
lamplights flicker hesitantly,
casting shadows on broken alleyways,
time is measured in hurried footsteps,
each passerby an anonymous face,
a forgotten verse in the urban sprawl.
lonely whispers echo through empty streets,
echoes of dreams and shattered hopes.
the city pulsates, alive yet lifeless.
its heart, a beaten drum of indifference,
a constant rhythm of the lost and found.
a medley of urban odors fill the air,
stale coffee mingling with exhaust,
salty tears blending with hot pretzels,
and the underlying scent of burning desire,
lost and longing.
park benches sit patiently,
waiting for weary souls to rest,
to catch a fleeting glimpse
of a world that exists within the cacophony,
a quiet moment amid the chaos.
the city, a symphony of contradictions,
a puzzle waiting to be solved.
its towering structures reach for the stars,
while hidden corners cradle stories,
whispered secrets and forgotten regrets.
an artist's canvas coated in grime,
where colors meld into a grayscale blur,
emotions fade into the concrete,
and the soul of a city lies in fragments,
waiting to be pieced together.
the moonless sky weeps,
its tears merging with city lights,
awash in a sea of flickering stars,
each one a wish lost in the vastness,
of this urban tapestry.
and when night descends upon the city,
the streets become a lonely ballad,
where lonely hearts find refuge,
within the flickering shadows,
of this sprawling, untamed tapestry.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Thank you in advance for any comments which I look forward to.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
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Comments
neopoet
Sun, 2023-09-10 03:30
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "cityscape" captures the essence of an urban environment with vivid imagery and evocative language. The use of personification, metaphor, and sensory details effectively conveys the atmosphere and emotions associated with the city. The poem successfully portrays the city as a complex and contradictory entity, filled with both beauty and decay.
One suggestion for improvement is to consider the structure and flow of the poem. While the poem has a consistent tone and theme, some of the lines and stanzas could be rearranged or rephrased to enhance the overall rhythm and coherence. For example, in the second stanza, the line "each droplet a secret melody" could be placed after "covers glossy streets in liquid whispers" to create a smoother transition.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from further exploration of specific details or moments within the cityscape. This could help to ground the reader in a particular scene or experience, adding depth and specificity to the overall portrayal of the city. For instance, describing
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Sun, 2023-09-10 21:23
cityscape
Such a beautiful poem. I especially love these stanzas: "medley of urban odors..." and "park benches sit patiently..." Somehow, the city is breathing and alive, and still reflective and at rest - all in the same moment. I just love this... all of it.
Thank you,
Lavender
Pipiabarn_Chet
Mon, 2023-09-11 21:11
cityscape
Thank you for your constructive feedback. I appreciate your taking the time to read it and comment upon it. If I may, can I ask you how you like this platform?
author commentLavender
Mon, 2023-09-11 22:05
Hello!
I love reading and writing poetry. This site has offered a non-judgmental learning experience for me. I feel encouraged and inspired by many of the poets, and have enjoyed both critiquing and submitting poetry. To me, poetry is to be shared. What an awesome connection to have with others who can't help but use poetry and language to express themselves and the world around them. I look forward to reading more of your work!
L
Pipiabarn_Chet
Wed, 2023-09-13 12:45
Reply to Lavender
I have not written enough poetry to experience what you allude to however I am told that there are areas where only poets contribute. Am I correct? Could you point me 282 areas where other poets my comment?
author commentLavender
Wed, 2023-09-13 20:43
Hello!
Hmm... I'm not certain what you are referring to, but a major way to communicate on the site is to read and comment on other poets' work. This helps build the community while also learning more about poetry.
Thank you,
L