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14
the ink
smudges
off from the
initials I elaborately
designed on my palm
its been a while since I
drew on my skin, as the ink
seeps in I think of you and these
songs playing from these headphones
take me to sacred moments we spent with us
the timeless immortal us, I see myself
fourteen, memories so clear
I see you thirteen and can
still feel you near, your
smile, your eyes, your
smell, in love we fell,
fate, stars and
all the things
unsaid,
so many
poems
about
you
still
unread
its
been
fourteen
years, I want
to tell you but
I can't I just
can't.
Style / type:
Free verse
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Region & Country
Berlin, Germany
Favorite Poets
Wordsworth, Keats, Byron, Blake, Burroughs, Kerouac, Indie Adams, Prophet, Chameleon, Jack Heslop, Tagore
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Comments
scribbler
Sun, 2012-04-08 09:22
hello
Lucky is the one who stays with 1st true love. Very enjoyable poem. Have you considered breaking the longest line into 3 lines? Seems a bit too much emotion packed into 1..............stan
MDT
Sun, 2012-04-08 15:03
Thanks
HI Stan, thanks for your feedback and for the well wishing (lucky is the one....) have a nice day.
Peace love and harmony light the path we must take. - MDT
author commentNordic cloud
Sun, 2012-04-08 14:50
This is great
This is great ,I liked the sentiments
and the sense of being young,
and the way you put it all...
If you want a shape:-
the ink
smudges
off from the
initials I elaborately
designed on my palm
its been a while since I
drew on my skin as the ink
seeps in I think of you and these
songs playing from these headphones
take me to sacred moments we spent with us
the timeless immortal us I see myself
fourteen memories so clear I see
you thirteen and all the things
unsaid, so many poems
about you still
unread
its
been
fourteen
years I want
to tell you but
I can't I just can't.
I tried to make a heart shape but I am not good at this.
I did enjoy the poem though. Nordic cloud.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
MDT
Sun, 2012-04-08 15:01
Thank you...
thank you so much for appreciating my poem, as well as going through the trouble of reshaping it, it really suits it better and will now take this into account when i write my next poems. I think if i pay more attention to the "mechanics" of poetry, id be able to really make an impact. I guess what i mean is that i need a little polishing.
Thank you Nordic cloud, have a nice day.
Peace love and harmony light the path we must take. - MDT
author commentNordic cloud
Sun, 2012-04-08 15:17
I see you used my shape,
I see you used my shape,
poems look and read better sometimes
when they are placed in a good manner,
either in verses or with the right parts in the right places,
but the final shape must then work too.
How aesthetic things make a difference
even if we think the rough things work,
it all depends perhaps too,
on the contents of the poem I suppose,
this was so fragile
and young
and lovely it needed 'something..'
Thank you for the compliment of using my lay out,
now we shall see what 'they' think!
As long as you don't call yourself DDT,
but you didn't so you've got me guessing.
I say from here now, have a good night!!
Nordic cloud.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
judyanne
Sun, 2012-04-08 16:33
hello
very clever visuals
can i suggest another shape to annanya's suggestion?
its
been
fourteen
years,
I want to
tell you
but
I can't I just can't.
lol - looks more like a leg to me :)
the grammar still works
not that i don't like annanya's
- just another idea
an awesome little write
emits just the right touch of melancholy, and very gently said
love judy
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2012-04-08 19:56
poetry shaped as a breast with the tits standing erect
Nice poem
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AmmaKonadu
Tue, 2012-04-10 09:57
The shape..
Makes it even more lovelier...I loved reading!