My name is John and I have been dealing with bi-polar since 1971, in my youth it wasn’t so.
My home in all its cozy warmth with varied friendships, a brethren of colorful personalities.
Roller-skating in my best friend’s cellar in circles around the coal boiler, our exciting world.
My life colorful from birth with all the mischief a child could navigate, eggs thrown at the neighbors.
We were all who we were, and acceptance was exploring forest land uncharted, together.

There's something special about
Being loved
By a poet

They notice the little things

The way your hair
Curls around your ears
Like the waves of the ocean
Rolling over itself

How your fingers
Wrap around the steering wheel
The same way they wrap around mine

How your eyes
Shine in the sunlight
Like fire and ice colliding

And the best part is
They write it all down
And share it with the world
Making your presence and beauty
Your life and love
Everlasting

Today I feel Human.
And I know I am always human,
But now I notice it.
In the ways my legs ache
With each bend of my knee.
The way my heart sits heavy in my chest
Like a diving ring in a pool
Not going down, just sitting there.
The way my mind races,
And my bones ache for the cold,
Even though I don’t like it anyways.

I locked onto your eyes of wood-smoke
saw my face mirrored back at me,
full of desirous laughter.
Saw a world of love
as it is there...

Your offered hand
taking mine in yours.
Floating away on your warmth
sensing the stability of your thoughts
as they were there...

Watching words form on your supple lips
is a land of paradise of its own.
There is a rhythm to your words, exhilarating.
A lilt which lifts me up ever higher,
when it is there!

I don’t think you can fully get away from me.
When you’re with her, you’ll feel the ghost of my love.
You’ll open your eyes after kissing her and you’ll think it’s me.

I’ll haunt you everywhere you go.
Every road you drive, every street you walk,
Every goddamn second of your life I’ll be there.

I’ll be waiting, watching, lurking.

I think you killed me.
My soul is not tethered to my body,
My emotions switch on and off at an instant.

My ghost holds all of our secrets now,
So I don’t have to.

We didn't talk today

You couldn't even look at me

But that's not even the worst part

The worst part is...

I know I can't fix it.
---

I can't turn back the clock
And make a new ending

I can't go back
And do things differently

I can't unsay the things I said
Or undo the things I've done.

So here we are.
Two friends
Turned lovers
Turned strangers once more.

And I can't even tell you I miss you.

your life,
was like a night game
played out in the rain...

your love,
like fabled moths
flying to the flame...

your heart,
like a songbird
trapped in a gilded cage...

your soul,
a wounded animal
twisted in pain and rage...

your eyes, spoke to me
of the tiniest desire,
as you ran out of speech...

reaching out and touching
just one precious being
to set both our souls on fire...

I feel your blood drip down my face
As I pick you up from the dirt

My energy is high
My thoughts are focused.

I feel a surge of adrenaline
rush through my veins

Find the wound,
Stop the bleeding,
Numb the pain,

Found the wound,
The bleeding won't stop.

Pressure, pressure,
Pressure…

The bleeding won't stop

Chest compressions, chest compressions,
Chest compressions...
---
Before I knew it,
You were back in the dirt.

evil permeated
the room...
where they met to seek
and call out the Doom

the sacrifice was
innocent and unaware,
yet he did agree to
the promises of the affair.

for the sweetness,
kiss of needle to skin
the sharpest prick
drove away thoughts of sin.

a vein is struck as
plunger draws liquid surge,
blood flowing into barrel
slowly as drug and soul merge.

eyes roll back in head as he
is one with his addiction
she is his seductress...
his lover and his affliction!

For all the love I have
Of the sand and sea
The rays of the sun
The rain and the mountains...

For all the love I have
Of yellow flowers
Grapefruit and sugar
The smiles of strangers...

For all the love I have
Of snow and hot showers
Music and sweet coffee
Driving at night...

I love you
Most of all