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My time is not up yet
In the frolic of
folly i amaze
into metaphorical mystery
i gaze.
Stark naked eyes
unknowing
the blank.
A mysery self-wrought
in the brooks
and
woods walked.
Then the last breath
shall surge
half in half out.
My soul if i have one
may submerge
In the glorification
of time
I thought
was once only mine..
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-09-05 05:41
You are getting better and better.
my only crit is the line-
of dare i say
I think is un-necessary. Can you explain to me why it is there?
Love the poem.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Geremia
Mon, 2011-09-05 06:05
I agree with Jess Joe
I agree with Jess
Joe
loved
Mon, 2011-09-05 10:13
and i agree with you both ....thanks
Its so nice to hear comforting words
thanks again all ur good wishes
loved
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2011-09-06 00:17
Maybe,
Maybe your time has just begaun, nice poem. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
loved
Tue, 2011-09-06 01:04
thanks
for this as well as msg pm
loved