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The Question
That night in your old car,
the bench seat ideal
for our closeness,
the summer warm,
humid enough to beat
the air conditioner
into a whine
of futility and sweat
I asked you
what you wanted to do
in life.
I didn't understand
your hesitation,
that painful look of
desperation,
the thick defeat
that came between us
when I asked.
You looked at me
as if everything was over,
as if your being
was about to slowly smother
in helpless twist
of hopeless spiral
choking off the future,
and when I pressed you
for an answer
your hesitation
filled me with foreboding
at what you were
about to say.
You said
"I want to be a Nurse's Aide,"
so quietly,
and I saw bleak resignation
in your lovely face,
so I held on tight and said:
"Then let's find out
when you can start,
Okay?"
And your tears told me
you knew then that
I would not say no,
that I would never
build a barrier
between my love for you
and your future
the way the one
before me did.
Comments
magics02
Mon, 2011-05-23 19:13
Wow
I got to come back Race as I am already in gentle mood and this one sends me to the porch.. I shall return..
scribbler
Mon, 2011-05-23 21:52
hi
The good old days of cars with bench seats! Bucket seats are the bane of passion in modern cars. Only line I'd change is in hopeless spiral or whirlpool.................stan
Race_9togo
Mon, 2011-05-23 22:01
Yeah
It's a damn shame they don't make bench seats any more, I'm looking for an old bucket that has some, becasue we miss them!
Hopeless spiral...there you go, better than what I have, thanks Stan.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
weirdelf
Mon, 2011-05-23 23:11
Is this a true story?
If so you are nearly as good a man as I am [grins]
Not so fine poetry, it lacks prosody.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Race_9togo
Tue, 2011-05-24 00:09
Yes it's a real event,
one that will stay with me forever.
I made some changes, perhaps they help.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
weirdelf
Tue, 2011-05-24 06:00
yes
better
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Race_9togo
Tue, 2011-05-24 17:09
Good.
Thanks Jess.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Candlewitch
Wed, 2011-05-25 11:19
Dear Jim,
This piece is so tender as to bring tears to my eyes. You are a good man and human being. A radiantly warm soul. My favorite lines are the ones that bring it all together:
And your tears told me
you knew then that
I would not say no,
that I would never
build a barrier
between my love for you
and your future
the way the one
before me did.
You have touched me deeply with this write. I have no suggestions, only appreciation for the work.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Race_9togo
Wed, 2011-05-25 13:04
Thanks Cat
For your kinds words, and enjoyment.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo